Bug Guts

As we are driving down the road there is a splat on the windshield. I look up and its a big bug that hit my windshield, no wait, its clear so it's a big rain drop. But wait, where did it come from, not a cloud in the sky, no cars nearby, and not going under an overpass. It has to be a bug, but it's clear. What sort of bug has clear bug guts?

Trivia fact of the day: There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar bill.

I'm pretty sure that by now you have all figured out that I like to make up words. I've been fairly selective what I've shared with you - only giving my good ones. Well, I have come up with the best word ever! No, really, it's the best - guyliner! Rock star guys and goth guys don't wear eyeliner, they wear.....GUYLINER! See, I told you, it's my best one yet.

These are Beluga Sturgeon. They are Horace and Borace and are HUGE! They weigh something like 150 lbs (if I remember right. Which is questionable since I'm getting so old.) I've never seen or even heard of Beluga Sturgeon but I'm thinking it would be awfully hard to land one of these suckers! Oh, we saw Horace and Borace at the aquarium in Chattanooga. The Rivers and Lakes exhibits were amazing but their ocean exhibits totally suck. Overrated and overpriced. I think that is the motto for any sort of tourist attraction in Tennessee. :)

Redneck Lingo

So I waited a little longer than normal to update a post because I was waiting for more of you to leave a comment on my daughters awesome update. She got her drivers permit...that's very cool!! Plus, she actually did a good job on the post. Better than I do sometimes. :) She's also correct - it can be rather boring updating this. hee, hee When something comes up that I want to remember to write about, I put it in the notepad function of my phone to reference later.

Two things I want to discuss today.

Kids are gross! Not what they say but bodily. I'm cleaning the bathtub/shower the other day and run across a dried shower booger. This got me thinking (okay, we are going into the crazy though process of Kristi here so keep up if you can...) I wonder if God made it so sex would be a little on the gross side - all the fluids and stuff, I mean, think about it - and then pregnancy is definitely full of "ew" factors and then there is the whole birth - blech!!! But truly, this is perfect because by the time you get over fluids and hemorrhoids and leaking and seepage, you are ready for stinky diapers and baby spit up. And you sort of ease into this as well, the first poops are rather mild and the spit ups are cute. By the time the poo is gag inducing, you are so used to the sour milk smell that has permanently taken up residence in your sinuses, it doesn't phase you at all. Compared to that, the continual flow of toddler snot getting smeared onto you whenever you get a loving hug seems like nothing and you even willingly wipe their nose on your shirt tail or pinch it off with your fingers only to transfer it to your pant leg. If only Mr. Levi knew what his jeans would endure... You know, the blue really does hide a multitude of sins. Anyway, by the time the kids get old enough to pick their own nose and begin the booger wall, we as parents are well equipped to deal with it. Granted, it doesn't make it any more enjoyable, but somehow its not as repulsive when it's your offspring. Or maybe it's just REALLY embarrassing for a parent so they don't talk about it. As I was cleaning the shower booger my thoughts also wandered to the "booger wall." I never did this as a kid and I have never discovered that my kids did this but I know it is common. One of the guys on the morning radio show I listen to had to scrape off and repaint their child's wall after discovering the dried boogers on their "booger wall." The thought of that made the shower booger a little less gross.

I'm not a big fan of Ebonics. No, I didn't axe you a question...I asked you a question! And it's not fustrated its frrrrustrated! Alright?! Everybody get it? It's A L R I G H T not...Aight! It's funny to me to see these suburban kids trying to be ghetto gangster and talking like that but today I saw the best one...a redneck trying to be ganster! Big Ford pickup truck, heavy duty grill on the front with words across the top of the windshield. Instead of something fitting like Built Ford Tough or even Cowboy Up, the guy with the cigarette in his hand hangin out the window has - 'Aight Then across his windshield!!!! Aight Then?! Seriously?! I truly think I have seen everything now. A wanna be ghetto redneck driving a work truck that automatically excludes him from ghetto standing with a phrase in Ebonics splattered across the windshield that most white people have a hard time saying anyway without taking into account his southern accent.

This weekend was really hot and I did spend time outside without managing to get sunburned! :) I got a hint of pink but for the amount of time outside...I consider it a skin protection success. Downtown Franklin had this fair type thing with lots of fun vendor booths and food and some rides. Of course there were a couple music stages and the local dance studios had performances. It was fun. I got some great craft ideas. There was a man walking around who looked like Abe Lincoln and then there was a big robot dude who looked like one of the Transformers. Both Devan and I were worn out by the time we got home even though it was only about a 4 block thing.

Happy Easter!!

Or rather happy late Easter since Mom's internet isn't working again so she hasn't updated this in a while. Then again even when it is working she usually doesn't update it often, but thats beside the point. Some good news is happening on my side of the continent though! I got my permit today finally. Yay!! Lol I'm happy. I had a bet going with my friend that I wouldn't get my permit before she got her licence and I won :D so haha on her! Anyways, now I'm starting to get why Mom doesn't update this often, it's very boring and I have just started. lol ack!

I am very irritated though. I don't remember if Mom told you all or not, but I am taking anatomy and physiology this year, and as a feild trip our class gets to go to OHSU to see a cadaver exibit. YAY!!! It is soo exciting! Everyone gets to go see a dissected cadaver. Everyone that is EXCEPT ME!!!!!!!!!! You have to be 16 to see the cadaver exibit! OHSU rules. I'M SOOOOOOOOO MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I can go on the feild trip but I will have to wait out in the hall and won't get to see the cadaver!!! Which defeats the point in going since seeing the cadaver is the best part!!! I was sooo looking forward to it and now i'm ticked! No dead bodys for the 15 year old :( poop. It's like I'm being punished for being smart! Pftttttttt!! At least I don't have to do the assignment for it though :) thats nice.

Well thats all for now I'm bored :) gonna go review my french! I haven't done any in a year so I have been seeing how much I remember. heehee its very amusing.
Jordan :P

Okay, I've got something interesting for you to read

Finally. Seems like nothing interesting has been going on or else, I'm just preoccupied and don't feel like updating this in a creative way. Well, I will force myself since I have taken up the task of keeping you informed and entertained.

According to an article I read regarding companies thriving during this economy, the number 4 spot goes to...Condom Makers. Yep, safe sex is a profitable business! Here is what the article said, "Whether for at-home entertainment or to try to stave off the cost of a baby in trying times, condom sales rose 6 percent in January from the year before. 'If people don't have the money to go out to a fancy dinner or are looking to cut back, Trojan gives them some real affordable ways to stay in and make some great memories together,' Jim Daniels, Trojan's vice president of marketing, told USA Today." So to all of you having safe condom protected sex, thank you for keeping our economy stimulated.

I am reading the BEST book EVER!!!! It's called Stiff by Mary Roach. (That the previous paragraph seems connected to my book title is purely coincidental and was by no means a planned segwey. I actually just lucked into that play on words.) It's about the "curious lives of human cadavers." It's insightful and laugh out loud funny and yet in no way is it disrespectful. I'll give you a couple great quotes from the first chapter. "Cadavers are our superheroes." and my favorite..."Death. It doesn't have to be boring." I will be sending this book to my little brainiack. Her anatomy and physiology class gets to go on a field trip...to see cadavers! Totally cool!!! A little ew! ...but the cool definitely outweighs the ew! It's also a great opportunity since, as I've learned from my book, not many colleges still use a full cadaver.

THERE WAS A SUPERHERO IN PANERA! Devan and I went for lunch and as we are sitting there, this guy comes in. The guy is tall, sorta dorky, glasses, nerdish short hair that could be cool but isn't, wearing a suit, and seems like he would be athletic were he not a nerdy business guy. Like Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne rolled into one. He was the stereotypical superhero cliche. Just enough of the geek look to throw you off the scent that he is a tights wearing, butt kickin', logo emblazoned Superhero. Here he comes to save the day....

Speaking of superheroes, Devan and I have decided that every time we see a fist bump we are going to proclaim "Wonder Twin Powers Activate!" I just ruined Deal or No Deal for you didn't I? You will never be able to watch Howie Mandel do his germophobic alternative to the handshake without thinking that he is secretly saying "...form of an ice dreidel!"