You're Reading My Blog - Bless Your Heart

The other night at dinner we were eating and my son looks at me and asks me if I was going to write about it in my blog. I asked what he was talking about. He said I finally made "southern food" and he wondered if I was going to tell everyone. Ppppsssshhhh, no, of course I'm not going to blog about that! Who wants to know that I've been in TN for almost three years and have finally made my first southern dish?! Then, the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to share...so guess what? After being in TN for nearly three years - I made one of my favorite southern dishes. Pulled Pork. mmmmmmm! It's so yummy. It's my favorite. Oh sorry, I already said that. It's typically served on a bun with coleslaw but I just like it by itself with the yummy BBQ sauce. My next item to learn to make is the BBQ sauce. Next thing you know I'll be saying y'all and talking really slow and calling people ma'am and honey. I will tell you in southern speak, if you want to insult someone it's perfectly okay as long as it is accompanied by "bless their heart." Just remember, if anyone blesses your heart, you were just insulted. And if they throw in a honey or sweetie, well, it doesn't get much worse than that. The only time blessings are a good thing in the south, is when you sneeze. Don't say you weren't warned.

Tomorrow is a big day. It is S.A.T. testing day. Daughter has to get up at 7 AM!!!!! Did you know they added a whole other section to the SAT? It used to be 1600 points was a perfect score but now it's 2400. They have the reading and math sections but now they have a writing section as well. So Jordan took an online practice test and without a calculator (they are allowed one during the test) she scored a 1940. The scoring part gave the recommendation or suggestion or information or whatever that to get into an Ivy League college you usually need 2000-2400. I wonder how well she would do if she actually studied and possibly took a few more practice tests....I'm not sure Stanford is ready for my silly 16 year old.

The other day I get to work and sitting on my desk is a paperclip in the shape of a hanger with a paperclip in the shape of a pair of shorts attached to it as well as one in the shape of a shirt. One of the girls I work with loves the fun shapes of paperclips. She also gave me one that is shaped like a thought bubble. I really want another thought bubble and then I want to add them to one of those headbands with the springy wires coming off the top to make little thought bubble dealie bobbers. Although, now that I think of it, it would be really fun to have the thought bubble on one side and then a light bulb on the other - for when you have those moments of brilliance and BING, the little light bulb comes on just like in the cartoons. OH - they should light up! There could be a little button on each side to light up whichever one was appropriate! Like when I had a totally amazing idea (like this current one) I could just push this little button on the side and it would go BING and the light bulb would light up! Or when I'm having a crazy entertaining though, I could press the button the other side and the thought bubble would light up. I would love that!

My children informed me that Sesame Street got rid of cookie monster and replaced him with a "veggie monster." I sincerely hope this is not true. Cookie Monster is awesome! I get it though, promote the whole healthy eating thing...but that's what Veggie Tales is for. Plus, Sesame Street could totally be making some major cash right now. With this whole vampire craze going on with Twilight and True Blood, Sesame Street needs to be promoting The Count and getting his image out there. They should totally be marketing The Count and the little kids would be begging their parents for him since they want to be included in the whole vampire frenzy. BING! (the light bulb side of my dealie bobbers just went on)

Speaking of Socks

So today I found out that my daughter was really bummed about half way through age 13 when she realized that her Hogwarts acceptance letter was never coming. She knew she wouldn't get it when she was 11 but since we make people wait longer for things here in America, she figured that she might get it at her 12th or possibly 13th birthday. Now that they have the Harry Potter theme park in Orlando, I think they should have a birthday package that people can buy which includes a Hogwarts acceptance letter, a quidditch broom, spell books and supplies such as a cauldron and an animal (stuffed of course)...all the things a new Hogwarts student would require. How much fun would that be to get for your birthday?! Especially on your 11th birthday! And to top it all off, tickets to the theme park...perfect. That would seriously be the best birthday present ever.

It's interesting that the day following Tornado warnings (we were very lucky here) the weather is just beautiful. It was still a blustery day but it was warm and dry and an enjoyable day. The horrible weather really put a cramp in things yesterday though. There were a lot of things going on in the Nashvegas area. There was the Music City Marathon that was cut short and people had to be corralled into the stadium for safety. There was a huge street festival in downtown Franklin that was scary for the vendors out there selling their wares. But on the upside, I had a good reason to not get dressed and go anywhere. I also used the bad weather as my reason for not cleaning my house. Hey, any excuse not to clean is acceptable in my book.

Do cats have bellybuttons?

I had the funniest conversation with my blog voyeur friend. She like my writing style in regard to my blog so asked me to write a profile for her for a dating website. (Don't worry PK only two people know who you are.) I feel honored to have her trust that I could write something amazing to catch prospective mates. So if I help her and she gets lots of dates out of this and I'm not making much progress in my dating life am I going to feel good about helping her or irritated that I did my job too well. Well, I guess this will be a good test. Am I a female version of a regular sized nose Cyrano or am I Christian? (Yeah, he's the guy who can't convey his true feelings because he's a blubbering idiot.) I think in the end we will find that I am a female version of Christian hence my name - Kristi. This would be the ultimate in foreshadowing on my mother's part.

Why is bubble gum always pink? Why can't bubble gum be silver? Flavored bubble gum is other colors but bubble gum itself is always pink.

And does it ever bother you that the same baking soda you cook with is also used to clean your bathtub and your car battery connectors? I'm sure I've mentioned it before but it really bothers me. If it absorbs the odors in your refrigerator or freezer, will it absorb the smells in your intestines so you will have an odor free poo? Would it eliminate the "Silent But Deadly"?

Conversations with me can be really random and jump from topic to topic. Sometimes there doesn't seem to be much rhyme or reason as to how I get from one subject to the next. I have learned to walk you through my thinking process or at least map out the leaps I have taken to get from one subject to the next. My old office mate was very used to my random outbursts. It's almost like anecdotal turrets. When I would blurt out some random story or thought she would always say, "and speaking of socks..." What do socks have to do with anything? But then again, what do my random stories have to do with anything? Probably nothing but maybe something. Maybe it helps all of you reading this to feel normal; to feel good about yourself. I know you already feel that way just being friends with or related to me but everyone needs a little extra boost once in a while. Glad I could help. You are normal. You are great. You have excellent friend choosing abilities. You are special. No matter how bad your life gets you can always rest assured that you are a winner - you won the ultimate race - the sperm race! Congratulations!!!! Now have a great day knowing you came in 1st!

Appearances

Sometimes I think I should change up my blog background and lay-out to make it all pretty and fancy. After having this thought I quickly remind myself that I began writing this blog to keep my family and friends up to date with our far away lives and you don't need fancy pretty. You might want it and if you do, too bad. :) Plus, I'm not a fancy pretty kind of person. It's not about the packaging but about the contents. Although I just highlighted my hypocrisy again because I totally judge a book by it's cover. If it has a bad cover it is staying on the shelf. You gotta grab my attention with the cover or at least with the title. When I'm getting ready to type an entry, I stress over the title until I come up with just the right one. I want the title to grab your attention and still be relevant as well as entertaining. Sometimes I change the title two or three times before I decide on one. Yes, you are THAT important to me.

Our weather has been superb. During the day Jordan will take her homework or a book out onto the patio and sit in the warm sunshine for a while. Today she got engrossed in her book and stayed in the sunshine too long. She got a little red but it's lopsided. It is really dark on her right side and then fades to a lighter less intense burn on the left. To add a little excitement to her shading is a white loop with a white line through the middle of it. Yes, that would be her swimsuit strings tied in a nice big bow. Just two days ago she was laughing that one of her friends will be so jealous of her tan. Her friend is just too fair skinned and does not tan for anything, she will burn a little but it will not result in a tan, it results in pink fair skin that turns into fair skin once again. I'm not sure that jealousy is going to be the reaction that Jordan gets when her friend sees her big white loop in the middle of her shades of red.

Advil vs Asparagus

Why is it that your pee will smell like asparagus mere minutes after eating it but it takes Advil well over half an hour to begin to work? They need to make Advil out of asparagus so it will absorb into the body super fast. Why is it that it smells the same going in as it does coming out in liquid form? I understand the corn thing, coming out in the same form it went in as...we just don't chew our food well enough to break-up each kernel. I even understand how green die in Popsicles can turn your poo neon green but I don't know that I will ever understand how you can eat asparagus and within 5 minutes, your urine will smell like asparagus. All I know is that the makers of Advil and Tylenol need to do a little more research...

Jordan was totally jealous that I had gotten two packs of gum with fun little sayings on the package. I even asked one of the girls at work and her gum package said "If you are craving steak you will be disappointed." I told Jordan and she was SUPER excited to see that her new pack of gum had a saying and I have to agree, it is the winner. How can you beat a pack of bubble gum that is "Made from real bubbles." Awesome!!!!!!! Totally worth the wait! She went from being jealous to the one everyone else is jealous of. Admit it - you are all jealous and want bubble gum made from real bubbles.

You Are What You Eat

I've never thought to describe myself as Crispy Crunchy but since you are what you eat...

A small bit of something sweet with my lunch will keep me from craving it throughout the day so I packed a fun size 100 Grand in my lunch today. Yes, they do still make them and yes, they are still as awesome as you might remember. If you don't remember because you haven't eaten one, you are totally missing out! So I'm eating my fun size candy bar and realize that it says it is made of Milk Chocolate and Crispy Crunchies. Crispy Crunchies?!? I've never heard of a magic ingredient called Crispy Crunchies. What isle are those in? Maybe they are next to the chocolate chips and marshmallows. That would be the most logical place since marshmallows are like gooey little sugar clouds from heaven and chocolate chips are food of the Gods, or at least they should be. I've never thought to describe myself as Crispy Crunchy but since you are what you eat...The packaging is right though - it said it was fun sized and I have to agree. Eating Crispy Crunchies is fun! It's fun to say and it's fun to eat. Don't think I'm not going to start reading the packaging for ALL my food now. Who knows what else I am eating or wearing for that matter. I'm going to start reading all the descriptions for my clothes and my food, oh heck, I'm just going to start reading all of my store purchased products.

Blame the blur on my cell phone that I refuse to upgrade because I don't need or want to get a data plan. I only use my phone to talk to people and to text. I don't need Internet access nor do I want it. Plus my phone has theft deterrent (yes, like the commercial -exactly like the commercial if I have good aim). Who doesn't love a phone you can chuck at someones head that could actually hurt them and not damage your phone?! Violent side exposed, oops...

Easter Sunday

Hoppy Easter !!!!!!!! Hee, hee, I like saying it hoppy instead of happy...it throws people off.

I saw some plastic Easter eggs that are camouflage. They were awesome! I've decided that even though my kids are teenagers, I'm getting a bunch of those eggs and filling them full of candy and money and other fun stuff and having the most epic Easter egg hunt next year. I'm really good at hiding eggs so I will have to count how many of those camo eggs I hide. I'm thinking I will also hard boil some brown eggs and not color them so they will be super hard to find also. Although, if teenage kids know there is money to be found, it's a guarantee they will find them all.

I've come to the realization that I'm a hypocrite. I'm a hypocrite in the opposite way that most people are. Most people go church only on special days like Christmas and Easter and sometimes Mother's Day and Father's Day. I avoid church on those days. So which is worse, only going to church on special holidays or avoiding church on special holidays?

We watched Veggie Tales this morning. I'm counting that as church.

I think my toilet seat broke my toes

Read the title again slowly. I know what you are thinking. You are thinking that I have too many words in there and they are in the wrong order. How many of you want to reach for that red pen/pencil to correct what you think is my grammatical error? Logically the title should be "I broke my toes on the toilet." Although I guess that would need something else as well since it could also mean I was on the toilet and broke my toes which wasn't the case. Well, this is me and if you remember from a few entries ago, my friend commented that my brain is odd and my mom agrees, so I'm letting the title stand. It's accurate so deal with it. I'm not sure what a broken toe feels like or even multiple broken toes but I imagine they feel something like what I am experiencing. Okay, okay, I know you are dying to know the story of how my toilet seat allegedly broke my toes.

I had just gotten out of the shower and was drying off when Einstein (boy cat) is just outside the door meowing hello really loud. I don't want him to wake sleeping beauty in the next room so I quickly open the door and let him into the bathroom with me. He began whining really loud and I was trying to dress in a hurry so I could open the bathroom door and let him out before my son had to get in the shower. I lifted my foot really quickly and awkwardly since Einstein was in my way. The next thing I know I caught my three middle toes on the toilet seat, yes SEAT, and lifted it up a good 6 inches, which of course comes crashing down and freaks out the cat who opens the door and goes running into sleeping beauty's room. So much for being quiet. Toilet seats do not fall quietly. I didn't kick the toilet or bump my toes on the bowl, I just caught my toes on the seat. Odd? Uh, definitely! Of all the people you know, would it of course happen to me...Uh, definitely! Am I just a little confused at how I could catch my smaller inner toes only on the seat of the toilet and lift it while trying to put my pajama pants on and not fall on my cat, I'm being a bit repetitive here, but...Uh definitely! I have also come to the conclusion that feet are the most awkward appendage. Oooohh, now that I said that I wonder if they are an appendage or an appendage of an appendage? That seals it, feet are so awkward there isn't even a classification for them! They are just - feet. Feet are awkward. If it weren't for the whole standing up and using them to get around, I don't think I would like my feet. They constantly get stepped on, they trip me, they fall asleep and get all tingly when I sit on them, they get tired after using them too much, and sometimes they get owies. They get stinky, and they get hard spots you may have to scrub away with a stone, they grow bumps called bunions (even the name sounds icky) and they just stick out there so you are constantly kicking things. In my opinion feet are the most inconvenient appendage of an appendage. So glad I don't have four of them.

They let me out of Prison

I went to Prison today and lo and behold, they let me leave!